It really is hard to go 43 years of life and always have it together. I raised my three sons and the forth my youngest I hope to get over the summer. I will be unless something happens to my boyfriend as then my whole life will change and be turned upside down. It is a difficult thing to go thru and I wonder why I am going thru it tho I guess there us never a simple easy answer. He's on borrowed time as they say and I can't sleep knowing it will happen and it maybe in a week or a year but doubtful I'll get two with him from his liver cancer and diabetes. He's moody a lit too and controlling. But anyway I'll keep posting when I can. It helps to get it off my chest because he don't like to think about my side of this. I just try to keep him happy but its a fulltime thing. I feel like I've aged a decade in the past year.